Liberation From A Conversation

“Closure happens right after you accept that letting go and moving on is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been.”
– Sylvester McNutt

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Hey….

I just wanted to be clear;
I hope you don’t think I’m bitter.
It’s just… I don’t fuck with you.
Your energy kinda throws mine off and given that I’m on this quest for existential higher vibrations…
Your inconsistencies just aren’t welcome.

This isn’t one of those ‘transfer of emotion’ types of conversations either.
I actually don’t think about how you feel any more.
At first this realization was terrifying because for the longest-
your feelings were all I thought about.
Are you happy?
Are you stressed?
Did you win?
Did you eat?
You were effortlessly my first thought in the morning and my very last at night.
Suffered from a restless inability to succumb to my own sleep until I knew that you were safe in your dreams.

I was so caught up in who I thought you were that I ignored who you actually were – or perhaps, what we weren’t.
A pair of mismatched souls-
Not the intentional kind either, but rather the intensely different, could have been –
If you ignored the other’s individual needs.
Even in our breakup – I gave you unnecessary power.
Power I actually need back for myself because I have a lot of greatness to discover.

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But…
It’s kind of magical I ran into you – today of all days.
The day before my 31st birthday.
Real poetic that my born day will, from here on out, symbolize my intentional liberation from you.
Like a caterpillar coming into her own beauty;
Or similar to Avatar Aang or Kora unlocking the sweet balance of elemental equilibrium that allows them to access the untamed strength they use to glow through their darkest battles.
I feel free.
Free to let the fire built in me burn at full blaze without the fear of burning you.
Free to let the forgiving water wash away all my resentment of you and truly wish your heart all the happiness it deserves.
Free to love and embrace my earthy love for self in order to give my heart the tools to love another soul in perfect trust and harmony.
And free to let the wind be my guide as I navigate through all my trials knowing I don’t have to hold your hand anymore.
Thank you for not being strong enough for me, and take care of yourself.
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“We eventually learn that emotional closure is our own action. We can be responsible for it. In any moment, we can choose to open or to close.”
– David Deida

 

 

 

 

 

 

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