the woman that you will search for
in every woman after me.
Not because I´m perfect,
because I loved you.
Not love in the TV ´The Notebook´ type of way,
but the love that listened when your heart cried out to me
but your mouth said no words.
The love that silently prayed over your hearts desires and cheered you in victories you never thought I saw.
I loved you so selflessly..
With every breath of my spirit,
I cherished you.
I gave you the truest parts of me. Every part of me is true..
So I guess, I gave you my everything.
I no longer feel sad for not being with you
because a part of me knows
I will always be yours.
I will be your happiest memory.
Your deepest regret.
Your saddest failure.
Your hardest hello.
You will lay your head down at night seemingly unbothered,
But your dreams will bravely search for me and cry out so loud in distress
that the sharp revelation of pain will awaken your weaker existence to bask in the cold heart realization of my absence.
You will reach out to touch me,
and instead be met by the cold touch of your own ego that pushed my warmer embraces to the furthest parts of your reality.
I mourn for you..
Because you kill off everything that is good for you and choose to live in the dark cave surrounded by your melancholy.
I weep for you..
Because you fail to see the magic you possess and hold on tight to the selfishness and ambiguity that keeps you comfortable, and alone.
I forgive you..
For giving me your heart then snatching it back when you realized that I would love every part of it with love and devotion.
I forgive you for choosing easy,
Because I couldn´t have loved you any less than hard.
In my journey of self love,
I humbly accept that my job is not AT ALL
to convince you on all the joys that being together would create.
So all my love has to actively give you.. are my prayers.
I pray for you.
Every night, every morning… I pray for you.
Pray that you will know that I will always love you,
but I´m leaving your escape door closed and walking away
I can´t make you brave.