Open Letter To My Ex-Heartbeat



¨One of the hardest things to do is letting go of what you had hoped would last a lifetime.¨ 
                                                                      – unknown

Lost love, love lost, ex, broken heart

Wangu,

You saved me.
You came into my life at a time when I was happy in my festered anger and hurt.
Somehow, you found your way around the perils of my darkened heart- and opened hidden doors to the sweetest parts of my soul.
I was so lost in my pain and so content in my misery… I didn´t realize how much of myself I had lost.
You loved me.

love lost, lost love, ex-boyfriend, broken heart

You loved me.
No longer did I feel the power of my insecurities, because well… you assured me I was worthy.
I was beautiful because you claimed me to be.
I was amazing because every time we lay you pulled me close before we fell asleep and whispered so in my ear.
I was safe because you had my back…and you loved me more than I knew.
You strengthened me.

You strengthened me.
Having you next to me gave me such confidence, that I became your fortitude.
I was radiating high levels of black girl magic and flying so  high on the borrowed wings you gave me,
That I missed the moment your brilliance began to falter.
My strength drained you.
You hid from me.

You hid from me.
As my energy source I could feel the power you so often fed me fading.
Our happiest moments were plagued by the shadowy gloom threatening our purest love.
Anxiety. Fear. Words not said and actions un-done
Became the somber mood of our present abyss.
You hurt me.

Love lost, lost love, ex-boyfriend, broken heart

You hurt me.
I´m still tormented by the excruciating, terribly loud sound of your silence.
My world was falling apart and I needed you because I was paralyzed by my own pain and couldn´t find the strength to fly away.
And even though my mouth didn´t utter a sound, my heart cried out for you so earnestly,
Waiting for your whispered promises to manifest into my saving brace.
I waited.

I waited. I waited.
Not an ounce of anger formed from the broken pieces of my shattered heart.
Each sharp slab however drenched in the heavy scent of my devastation and distress.
So hurt by your inability to separate your demons from my need of your love and support.
Realizations that I gave you  power to source the only thing that I have power over.
My happiness.

I hear time heals all wounds… so for now, I will patiently wait.
Because the face that used to bring me such clear happiness, is now a representation of three lies that I can´t help but keep replaying.
I promise. I won´t ever let you down. I love you.
You are the epitome of a full circle – you breathed life into me, and then silently but effectively seemingly left me for dead.
This time however, I refused to die.

Fare-thee-well, Wangu.
I can finally let you go.

Love lost, lost love, ex-boyfriend, broken heart

¨Closure happens right after you accept that letting go and moving forward is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been.¨
 – Sylvester McNut

2 comments

  1. Your words… I can't even describe how gifted you are with it. You have and always will be a role model to me for being a strong, kind woman. So proud of you, Tenda

    Like

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